What it All Means to Me? Promise, Fantasy, or Fraud. America, Who are You?

I have so many thoughts racing through my mind right now. Since Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020 I was in a fog.  A mix of mild depression and anxiety. I could not put together a solid block of writing. So I tried to just edit this past week. I could not complete a solid block of editing. I attempted to take a break and watching sports. I could not emotionally invest in my favorite team who played on Thursday Night Football. For the first time in years, I watched my beloved Green Bay Packers as if I were one of the Walking Dead. Even my random thoughts and conscious stream of thought were even   more choppy, more erratic than I normally think them to be. Why? What was on my mind?

It was the Presidential Election. 'The fight for the soul of America' as it was billed to be. It was an emotional fog for me that did not lift until late Saturday morning.  "Well, we all took this election seriously G," you say to me. Yes, this election was important to all, but it was much more important to me and those like me. People of color. People from the so-called 'disadvantaged groups.'

This week was a referendum. It was a referendum on whether I would continue to have faith that one day the lie that America has been feeding me all my life may come true. Or would America and the American ideal reveal itself to be exactly what it has been for the last 233 years? A complete lie.

Well America, you kept my door for hope open. Though it was also disappointing to once again have confirmed what I had always known to be true. Half of America is not interested in the Constitution living up to what it promises. Half of America has never believed, will never believe, and is not interested in this country becoming what so many school children are pressured into reciting daily: "One nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." Half of America has been and continues to recite these words in bad faith.

Why do I say this? I say this because half of America voted for a proven racist, misogynist, tax cheat, grifter. There is proven evidence that the President of the United States is exactly those things. There are no gray areas. No maybes. No misunderstandings. Anyone who argues that there are either lacks the mental acuity or moral integrity to reach a truthful conclusion.

Half of America does care about equality, justice, or economic fairness. Half of America will vote against their self-interest, deciding to side with a party that doesn't believe in racial, social, or economic inclusion or equality. They will vote for a party that does not care about its 'base' until election time when they can scare that base into voting for them as they simultaneously work behind the scenes to eliminate the programs and policies that would actually benefit that base.

People in rural America and 'working-class' whites oppose the party trying to raise their minimum wage. They go against the party that is fighting to get them better access to health care. They go against the party trying to save their social security. They go against the party fighting to get them more economic relief during a pandemic. Why?... Because the prospect of inclusion and equality for those different then them scares them more than the prospect of a better life entices. Half of America gets more satisfaction from their contempt of others that they do for their own well being.

Half of America will knowingly vote for a leader whose reluctance to address a pandemic led to 230,000 dead Americans (One day I'll get into the pro-life with 230K dead, and refusing to wear mask thing, but not today). But they consider themselves patriots. A man who solicited foreign interference in elections. A man who has told over 25,000 documented lies to the people he is supposed to lead. These are not my opinions. These are America's facts.

Fog. The fog lifted late Saturday morning and the sun looked a little brighter outside as this Black man traveled with his Brown wife and their children. We were in a great mood. We were in a great mood because more than Half of America gave us hope.  It gave us hope that despite the hate, there still is so much good in America. That when people who want to make this country live up to its promises work together, the needle can be moved no matter how little it truly moves. It gave us hope of the possibility that our children may one day see what is increasingly becoming evident that we never will. That one day America may live up to its words on that social contract it made with its citizens.